We were in the middle of watching a show, which show is not really important or relevant, but I found myself thinking “I wonder if I’ll be like that when I grow up?”. Then I had to laugh because…I’m 35…I probably should have stopped thinking that way when I graduated college or when I got married or after giving birth to our son (the list goes on and on).
It also made me think back to something my Grandma had said to me years ago. “It’s funny Elyse. I know that I’m old and of course I know how old I am but I still feel like I’m 18…even though I definitely no longer look it”.
At the time that she told me this, I was in my 20s and we had a good laugh together but I didn’t really think about it beyond that conversation. Today, Grandma is still with us but mentally her memory isn’t as strong as it once was. She wouldn’t likely remember that conversation since she doesn’t usually remember who I am anymore. But I wish that I could sit down and tell her that I finally get it. I get what she was trying to say that day as we chatted about life and as she described to me how drastically the world and our physical appearances changes year after year but how that internal youthful spirit just seems to linger.
I’ve got a 3 year old who is looking to me daily for guidance, love, information, attention, feedback...I’m helping to mold a small person’s mind/personality. That seems absurd to me some days because I don’t really feel like I’ve fully molded myself. I still feel like I may have untapped potential, like I have a journey that I haven’t realized…like I haven’t quite “grown up”.
Despite all of the painful, beautiful, memorable, life changing moments that we go through: do we all spend our lives feeling like maybe someday we’ll finally grow up?
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| My gorgeous and forever young Grandma. |
